When Perimenopause Gaslights Us: Why I Am Fighting Back

On Deck with Dr. Ra’Sheeda
September 24, 2025

The Reality Check

I did not have a period from May through August, and then in September it came back with a vengeance. Most days during those skipped months I actually felt better than fine. My hemoglobin levels had improved, my chronic iron deficiency anemia was finally under control, and I had energy again. I even returned to Zumba and enjoyed feeling like myself.

But at the same time, my body told a different story. My belly was bloated and heavy, my weight crept up, and every month I still felt the mood swings and symptoms that should have led to a period. I struggled with my body image, and a few times I was even asked if I was pregnant. Both of those times, the comments came from women. Asking if a woman is pregnant is inappropriate and harmful, even if you are curious. It can affect mental health, stir up insecurities, and trigger painful feelings about body image.

Don’t get me wrong — I enjoyed the extra weight. I have always been very lean, some might even say skinny, but for the first time in my life besides pregnancy, I was over 100 pounds and maintaining it. Still, I found myself asking, “Why now?” The only answer I could find: I am in my mid-40s, and perimenopause has its own timeline.

When the period finally came, it came hard: cramps, heaviness, exhaustion. It felt like my body had strung me along for months, stretching out the discomfort and then flooding me all at once. That is when it hit me: sometimes perimenopause feels like our bodies are gaslighting us.

1. Recognize the Gaslighting

Gaslighting is when you are led to doubt your own reality. And that is exactly what perimenopause can do:

• You think you are done with periods… then they return more intense.
• You feel bloated like you are pregnant… but you are not.
• You feel drained, foggy, or unlike yourself… and start to wonder if it is “just in your head.”

For me, the cruelest trick is how the body rewrites the story afterward. After a brutal cycle ends, I almost convince myself it was “not so bad” — because I skipped months before, so perhaps this intensity is “normal.” That is gaslighting — making us minimize the pain, to doubt our own experiences. Just because it is common does not mean it should be endured in silence.

2. Refuse to ‘Just Deal With It’

This stage of life challenges us to decide whether we will quietly absorb the changes or stand firm in our self-respect. I choose not to yield.

I am not talking about rushing to medications or surgeries for myself, and I am not prescribing one path for all. What I am saying is: I refuse to allow perimenopause to steal my dignity or my right to feel well.

For me, fighting back means:

• Listening to my body and resting when the fatigue is real.
• Moving my body anyway when bloating or cramps tempt me to curl up in defeat.
• Speaking aloud instead of carrying it quietly, as so many women before us were taught.

3. From a PT Lens

With my training as a physical therapist, I know that movement can be medicine — but rest is also powerful. During perimenopause, bloating, joint stiffness, and fatigue may conspire against you.

Yet light mobility work, stretching, or a brief walk can stimulate circulation, ease tension, and help reclaim a sense of control.

At the same time, there are days when the body calls for stillness. That is not failure — it is wisdom. It is about choosing rest when needed, movement when needed, and nurturing both our physical and mental wellbeing. Finding that balance is not weakness; it is strength.

4. Redefine the Wins

Every woman’s path looks different. Some may slow down and rest. Others may stay active. And some will share their experiences openly to break the silence.

Sometimes fighting back means celebrating wins you never foresaw — like finally maintaining a healthy weight over 100 pounds after years of being leaner than I wanted to be. It is about embracing the positives while still refusing to accept the negatives as permanent.

5. Build a Community of Fighters

Perimenopause often tries to isolate us. It whispers lies: you are the only one skipping cycles, the only one dealing with sudden floods, the only one hiding a bloated belly. It wants silence to be our default.

But we are not invisible. We are not alone.

We are a community of truth-tellers who see through the gaslighting. We rest without shame, move with intention, and speak even when our voices shake.

Together, we fight back. And together, we remind the world — and ourselves — that perimenopause does not define us.

From My Heart to Yours

I will not accept that the changes my body is dragging me through are simply okay. And I know I am not alone.

We cannot always control skipped cycles, bloating, or exhaustion. But we can control how we respond. We fight back by choosing rest, choosing movement, and choosing our voices.

Perimenopause may try to gaslight us — but together, we shine a light on the truth.

Together, we declare that our wellbeing matters, our stories matter, and our strength matters.